Title: Hannah Whitman Heyde to Walt Whitman, 2 January 
Date: January 2, 1879
Source: Transcribed from digital images or a microfilm reproduction of the original item. For a description of the editorial rationale behind our treatment of the correspondence, see our statement of editorial policy.
Location: Hannah Louisa Whitman Heyde Papers, 1853–1892, Library of Congress, Washington, D.C.
Whitman Archive ID: loc.00663
Contributors to digital file: Alex Kinnaman and Nicole Gray
Thursday, Jan 2.
I want to thank you again for your kindness,—your kind remembrance of me. Christmas did me good, for at times I feel very friendless I only wish I could do something for you.
Walt dear I think too much of you to annoy you in any way. I think so much about home such a wish for you to get quite well. I should never forgive myself, it would be the worst trouble I ever had, if I said annything to hurt you in the least speaking or complaining don't mend things, and I write so seldom. I should at least write a cheerfull letter, but Charlie has just come home from down town says he has been writing to you (perhaps he has not I dont know whether to believe him or not) I am so uneasy I dont know what to do. I am so afraid he has said something that will worry you dear brother I know he does write fearful letters, every word the most untrue and unjust & he's written a great many for I have opened and read them. I only want you to know that he cannot or does not say one word of truth ever or at any time, when he speaks of me. I know he writes to his sisters & others very badly of me indeed, and have been told that he talks ill of me to any one and everyone that will listen. (he to day received a New Years present a box of hankerchiefs from his sister & niece, & letter of great sympathy for him in his unhappy home. they think it might do him good to come to them &c, two hankerchiefs were for me, they are nice, but I cant appreciate them as I would, if they knew me as I am.)
Dearest Brother I want you to know that I write to day feeling very unhappy and anxious, for fear Charlie has written something disagreable, if he has written & you will mind it, you would understand why if you had
Dear Brother in my hurry I made a mistake, thought this was written on
I hope with my whole heart that I have not said anything to make you feel bad for a moment, you must not that I could not endure. Generally I get along well as most persons, to day I am worried and excited, probably if I [waited?] till to morrow I should write differently. Next time dear brother I will write cheerfully, may be when you get this I will feel happy again. I have thought often if I should die [someday?], I should not like Charlie to say I was crazy. (I am likely to live as he) & you not know his way I used to be too sensitive to speak, but lately so many have spoken to me of it. its too absurd to mind I know I do mind it. I have some comforts. I think a great deal of my home with all my troubles
I have only spoke of myself & could not help it today
Give my love to all