Your p.c. of yesterday came at breakfast time.1 I often wish that I could write you a long letter, & tell you all about
us, but as I wrote you, my head & eyes gave out, &
I can write but very little, even to my two sisters,— & we are all that
are left of the family of nine, seven children & the father & mother. But
one loc.02953.002.jpg night last week I
had a most vivid dream of you, & thought I should write that day, but the many
duties that came each day prevented it. I am sorry that I have not better news to
give you of William.2 He has failed very much in the last six weeks, indeed I date
the marked change for the worse from the paralysis of the eye lid, & that was
the last of Sept., but a very marked change for the worse since
loc.02953.003.jpg Nov. 23d. No one is as
well aware of it as I am, for I see him at his worst, as well as his best. I am his
sole & only nurse, & help to dress, undress & bathe him, & he is
under no restraint to say how he always puts the best face
on things to every one, & is always ready to joke about himself, & often
makes me laugh when I am ready to cry. But now he often debates whether he shall
loc.02953.004.jpg go out at all, &
does not go till 11 or 10:30 A.M. & sometimes later. He, until very lately,
would almost resent the idea of staying at home when I suggested it,—but
locomotion is becoming more & more labored, & when I am helping him to get
up & down, I have sometimes wondered if I shall be able to lift him more &
more, as he is less able to lift himself, as he weighs 200 or more & I 105.
Until lately, too, he has had the most wonderful courage, & would
loc.02953.005.jpg
not give up, but it is not so all the time now. Still,
there is one thing in his favor, (if one so regards it) & that is that he is
still determined to live, I never saw such clinging to this life, in any one; & he still feels that if
the right doctor could be found that he could be made entirely well. He counted up
the other day, & found that he had had fifteen
doctors. Besides the "paresis" he suffers from
inconveniences of various
loc.02953.006.jpg other kinds, which follow from his not being able to reach the
water closet in time. Then he has had inflammation, some time ago, in one, &
then the other toe, lately the second finger of the right
hand, was very bad, & is not wholly well yet. I look at him & wonder how any
one can want to live who suffers so; the body seems to me such a prison under these conditions. But his deepest unhappiness
now is that he has not yet been able to
loc.02953.007.jpg get his article published which he wrote
in defense of Donnelly,3 & as yet, he has not. He put life
& energy into it, & said if he could only get to New York he could get it
into the right magazine.
We are always glad of a word from you, & hope that you are on the gain in earnest
now. I need not tell you that the long strain of anxiety & care has told deeply on
me,—but I have loc.02953.008.jpg
been upheld so far, & have faith & hope still,—& shall have, no matter what
comes.
With best love from us both.
as ever yours— Nelly O'ConnorI ought to add that William sleeps well, & has an excellent appetite, "almost too good," he says.
Good by.
With love— E.M. O'C.Correspondent:
Ellen M. "Nelly" O'Connor (1830–1913) was the
wife of William D. O'Connor (1832–1889), one of Whitman's staunchest
defenders. Before marrying William, Ellen Tarr was active in the antislavery and
women's rights movements as a contributor to the Liberator and to a women's rights newspaper Una. Whitman dined with the O'Connors frequently during his Washington
years. Though Whitman and William O'Connor would temporarily break off their
friendship in late 1872 over Reconstruction policies with regard to emancipated
African Americans, Ellen would remain friendly with Whitman. The correspondence
between Whitman and Ellen is almost as voluminous as the poet's correspondence
with William. Three years after William O'Connor's death, Ellen married the
Providence businessman Albert Calder. For more on Whitman's relationship with the O'Connors, see Dashae
E. Lott, "O'Connor, William Douglas [1832–1889]" and Lott's "O'Connor (Calder),
Ellen ('Nelly') M. Tarr (1830–1913)," Walt
Whitman: An Encyclopedia, ed. J.R. LeMaster and Donald D. Kummings (New
York: Garland Publishing, 1998).