Alas, Poor Lager!

"It is little wonder that the German nation should remain subject to the rule of thirty-six petty tyrants, when we consider the state of indifference into which individuals may be sunk by drinking even quantities of beer much too small to cause, by their alcoholic properties, any thing approaching intoxication. This total annihilation of the executive faculty, can be attributed to no other cause than the hops with which lager-bier in particular is so highly impregnated. When we consider these things, it is not surprising that men sink, under such circumstances, into a state of materialism, and lose their appreciation of the beautiful. In fact, beer, by its properties, destroys all fine distinctions, and its habitual use grinds the edge from our critical faculties. The beer-drinking portion of the nations of Europe will furnish us with an example. Look at the productions of some of the Dutch artists; their souls seldom ascend higher than slaughter-house, kitchen-brawl, dog-and-cat scenes. We are aware of the taste of the Germans for music, and of the great masters in this art to which their land has given birth. But we find the sublime creations of those great minds are lost to them when even slightly under the influence of their favorite narcotic beverage; there is something in them reproachful. It is little wonder if a nation addicted to the use of a drink with such properties—and its effects are well known—should become devoid of spirituality and fall into a state of materialism, such as history has as yet furnished us with no parallel. Its effects upon the external form, and upon the action of man, is already beginning to awaken attention. The depressed and broad heads, the flat though wide shoulders and breast; the straight back, and cow-like tread of its victims, is already known to keen observers. A great change takes place in the eye, when lager-bier is habitually drank. It has invariably a turbid and sleepy look, while its muscles are so much relaxed as to make it, as it were, hang in a defenseless state. The effects of lager-bier in other respects, are marked. The diameter of the head between the ears appears enlarged, and with it the back part of the jaws, giving to the countenance a three-cornered look, so characteristic of the Low Dutch face; the neck becomes thick, often hanging over the shirt collar in wrinkles, in the region where phrenologists locate the organ of amativeness; the skin becomes red, with a blown-up, spongy surface, from which large quantities of fatty matter of an offensive odor are produced, giving the whole surface a greasy and disagreeable aspect. The habitual imbibers of this beverage are generally obliged to hold their cigars to their mouths, which, being used chiefly as funnels for their favorite drink, seem incapable of much muscular tenacity. On men addicted to sexual excess, the neck appears to diminish in size, while the head swells out like that of a young sparrow in proportion to the limbs, and their skin, although retaining its greasy aspect, loses its color and is more translucent. In the intelligent circles of Germany, the effects of the hop have already attracted attention, and it has been discarded in a new beer, which is fast gaining popularity as a beverage. We allude to the weizen or wheat-beer, now generally known as Berlin white beer, from its pale color."