Calamus 9

Part of the cluster CALAMUS.

9.

HOURS continuing long, sore and heavy-hearted, Hours of the dusk, when I withdraw to a lonesome
and unfrequented spot, seating myself, leaning
my face in my hands; Hours sleepless, deep in the night, when I go forth,
speeding swiftly the country roads, or through
the city streets, or pacing miles and miles, sti-
fling plaintive cries; Hours discouraged, distracted—for the one I cannot
content myself without, soon I saw him content
himself without me; Hours when I am forgotten, (O weeks and months are
passing, but I believe I am never to forget!) Sullen and suffering hours! (I am ashamed—but it
is useless—I am what I am;) Hours of my torment—I wonder if other men ever
have the like, out of the like feelings? Is there even one other like me—distracted—his
friend, his lover, lost to him? Is he too as I am now? Does he still rise in the morn-
ing, dejected, thinking who is lost to him? and
at night, awaking, think who is lost? [ begin page 356 ]

ppp.01500.364.jpg Does he too harbor his friendship silent and endless?
harbor his anguish and passion? Does some stray reminder, or the casual mention of a
name, bring the fit back upon him, taciturn and
deprest? Does he see himself reflected in me? In these hours,
does he see the face of his hours reflected?

Part of the cluster CALAMUS.