The following roman-numbered "fair-copy"
manuscripts from the University of Virginia's Valentine-Barrett
collection have come to be known by the struck-through title "Live
Oak, with Moss" rather than the alternate and remaining title
"Calamus-Leaves."
We provide this HTML transcription only
temporarily. Eventually we will encode these pages in XML and
incorporate them within our larger directory of Whitman's poetry
manuscripts.
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Calamus-Leaves.
Live Oak, with
Moss.
I.
Not the heat flames up and consumes,
Not the sea-waves hurry in and out,
Not the air, delicious and dry, the air of
the ripe
summer, bears lightly along
white
down-balls of myriads of seeds,
wafted,
sailing gracefully, to drop
where they
may,
Not these—O none of these, more than the
flames of
me, consuming, burning for
his love
whom I love—O none, more
than
I, hurrying in and out;
Does the tide hurry, seeking something, and
never give
up?—O I, the same, to
seek my
life-long lover;
O nor down-balls, nor perfumes, nor the high
rain-emitting clouds, are borne through
the open
air, more than my copious
soul is
borne through the open air,
wafted in
all directions, for friendship,
for
love.—
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II
I saw in Louisiana a live-oak growing,
All alone stood it, and the moss hung down
from the
branches,
Without any companion it grew there,
glistening
out with joyous leaves of
dark
green,
And its look, rude, unbending, lusty, made
me think of
myself;
But I wondered how it could utter joyous
leaves,
standing alone there without its
friend, its
lover- -For I knew I could
not;
And I plucked a twig with a certain number
of leaves
upon it, and twined around it
a little
moss, and brought it away —
And I have
placed it in sight in my
room,
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It is not needed to
remind me as of my
friends,
(for I believe lately I think of
little else
than of them,)
Yet it remains to me a curious token - it
makes me think of manly love, I write
these
pieces and name them after it ;
For all that, and though the treelive
oak
glistens
there in Louisiana, solitary in a
wide flat
space, uttering joyous leaves
all its
life, without a friend, a lover,
near - I
know very well I could not.
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III
When I heard at the close of the day how I
had been
praised in the Capitol, still it
was not a
happy night for me that
followed;
And else Nor when I caroused —
Or
—Nor^when my
^favorite plans were
accomplished
— it was I really
happy,
was
well enough — Still I was not
happy;
But the the
theat^ thatday
when whenI rose at
dawn from
the bed of perfect health,
electric,
inhaling sweet breath,
When I saw the full moon in the west grow
pale and
disappear in the morning
light,
When I wandered alone over the beach, and
undressing,
bathed, laughing with the
waters, and
saw the sun rise,
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And when I thought
how my friend, my lover,
was coming, then
O^ I was happy;
O tThen eEach
breath tasted sweeter—and
all that day
my food nourished me
more—And the beautiful day passed
well,
And the next came with equal joy—And with
the next, at
evening, came my friend,
And that night, while all was still, I heard the
waters roll
slowly continually up the
shores
I heard the hissing rustle of the liquid and
sands, as
directed to me, whispering,
to
congratulate me,—For the friend I
love lay
sleeping by my side,
In the stillness his face was inclined towards
me, while
the moon's clear beams
shone, And
his arm lay lightly over my
breast—And that night I was happy.
(on this leaf, beneath the paste-over, is an
earlier version of the conclusion, with no
strikethroughs)
And that night O you happy waters, I
heard
you beating
the shores—But my heart
beat happier
than you—for he I love is
returned and
sleeping by my side,
And that night in the stillness his face was
inclined
toward me while the moon's
clear beams
shone,
And his arm lay lightly over my breast—And
that night I
was happy.
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IV
This moment as I sit alone, yearning and
pensive, it
seems to me there are other
men, in
other lands, yearning and
pensive.
It seems to me I can look over and behold
them, in
Germany, France, Spain—Or
far away in
China, ^India, or in
Russia—talking other dialects,
And it seems to me if I could know those
men
better I should love them as I love
men in my
own lands;
It seems to me they are as wise, beautiful,
benevolent,
as any in my own lands;
O I know think we should be
brethren—I
knowthink I should be happy
with
them.
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V
Long I thought that knowledge alone would
suffice
me—O if I could but obtain
knowledge!
Then my lands the Land of the
Prairies
engrossed
me—the south savannas
engrossed me—For them I would live
—I
would be their orator;
Then I met the examples of old and new
heroes—I heard the examples of
warriors,
sailors, and all dauntless
persons—And it seemed to me I too
had it in me
to be as dauntless as any,
and would be
so;
And then to finish all, it came to me to strike
up the songs
of the New World—And
then I
believed my life must be spent in
singing;
But now take notice, Land of the prairies,
Land of the
south savannas, Ohio's
land, |
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Take notice, you Kanuck woods—and
you,
Lake
Huron—and all that with you roll
toward
Niagara—and you Niagara
also,
And you, Californian mountains—that you
all find
some one else that he be your
singer of
songs,
For I can be your singer of songs no
longer
— I have passed ahead
I have
ceased to enjoy them.
I have found him who loves me, as I him in
perfect
love,
With the rest I dispense—I sever from all
that I
thought would suffice me, for it
does not--it
is now empty and
tasteless to
me,
I heed knowledge, and the grandeur of The
States, and
the examples of heroes, no
more, |
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I am indifferent to my own songs—I am
to
go with him
I love, and he is to go
with
me,
It is to be enough for each of us that we are
together—We never separate again. -
____________
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VI
What think you I have taken my pen to
record?
Not the battle-ship, perfect-model'd,
majestic,
that I saw to day arrive in the
offing,
under full sail,
Nor the splendors of the past day--nor the
splendors of
the night that envelopes
me—Nor
the glory and growth of the
great city
spread around me,
But the two young men I saw to-day on the
pier,
parting the parting of dear
friends.
The one whoto
remainedremain hung on the
other's neck
and passionately kissed
him—while the one who
remainedto
depart tightly prest the one who
remained to remain in his arms.
__________
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VII
You bards of ages hence,! when you refer
to
me, mind not
so much my poems,
Nor speak to me that I prophesied of The
States and
led them the way of their
glories,
But come, I will inform you who I was
underneath
that impassive exterior—
I will tell
you what to say of me, |
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Publish my name and hang up my picture as
that of the
tenderest lover,
The friend, the lover's portrait, of whom his
friend, his
lover was fondest,
Who was not proud of his songs, but of the
measureless
ocean of love within
him—and freely poured it forth,
Who often walked lonesome walks thinking
of his
dearest friends, his lovers,
Who pensive, away from one he loved, often
lay
sleepless and dissatisfied at night,
Who, dreading lest the one he loved might
after all be
indifferent to him, felt the
sick
feeling—O sick! sick!
Whose happiest days were those, far away
^through fields, in woods,
or on hills, he
and another,
wandering hand in hand,
they twain,
apart from other men.
Who ever, as he sauntered the streets,
curved with
his arm the manly shoulder
of his
friend—while the curving arm of
his friend
rested upon him also.
_________
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VIII.
IX.
Hours continuing long, sore and
heavy-hearted,
Hours of the dusk, when I withdraw to a
lonesome and
unfrequented spot,
seating
myself, leaning my face in my
hands,
Hours sleepless, deep in the night, when I go
forth,
speeding swiftly the country
roads, or
through the city streets, or
pacing miles
and miles, stifling
plaintive
cries, |
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Hours discouraged, distracted, —For he,
the
one I cannot
content myself
without—soon I saw him content
himself
without me,
Hours when I am forgotten—(O weeks and
months are
passing, but I believe I am
never to
forget!)
Sullen and suffering hours--(I am ashamed—
but it is
useless —I am what I am;)
Hours of my torment—I wonder if other men
ever have
the like out of the like
feelings?
Is there even one other like me—distracted
— his
friend, his lover, lost to him?
Is he too as I am now? Does he still rise
in the
morning, dejected, thinking who
is lost to
him? And at night, awaking,
think who is
lost?
Does he too harbor his friendship silent and
endless? Harbor his anguish and
passion?
Does some stray reminder, or the casual
mention of a
name, bring the fit back
upon him,
taciturn and deprest?
Does he see himself reflected in me? In these
hours does
he see the face of his hours
reflected?
_______
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IX
I dreamed in a dream of a city where all the
men were
like brothers,
O I saw them tenderly love each other—I
often saw
them, in numbers, walking
hand in
hand;
I dreamed that was the city of robust
friends—Nothing was greater there
than
the quality of manly love—it led
the
rest,
It was seen every hour in the actions of the
men of that
city, and in all their looks
and
words.— |
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X
O you whom I ^often and
silently come where
I you are, that I may be with you,
As I walk by your side, or sit near, or
remain in
the same room with you,
Little you know the subtle electric fire that
for your
sake is playing within me.— |
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XI.
Earth! My Likeness! Though
you look so
impassive,
ample and spheric there--
—I now
suspect that is not all,
I now suspect there is something terrible in
you, ready
to break forth,
For an athlete loves me, and I him-But
toward him
there is something fierce
and terrible
in me,
I dare not tell it in words—not even in these
songs. |
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XII
To the young man, many things to absorb, to
engraft, to
develop, I teach, that he be
my
eleve,
But if through him speed rolls not the
red
blood of
divine friendship, hot and
red—If
he be not silently selected by
lovers, and
do not silently select
lovers—of what use were it for him to
seek to
become eleve of mine? |
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